A decade has come and gone...

It blows my mind that TEN years ago today I lost the best man I'll ever know.  I think of all the things that my dad missed out on.  Getting my driver's license, highschool graduation, meeting my future husband, my wedding day and walking me down the aisle, the birth of Emma, watching her grow up.  I think of these things, yet I know what he's gained.  He's with his mom and dad, my mom's parents and so many friends and family lost over the years.  Knowing that heaven awaits me one day and that I will see him again is what has gotten this entire family through the last ten years.  Just because it's been a decade doesn't mean loss isn't difficult.  The scars are still there but they fade with time.  They may never go away but after ten years of healing the pain has subsided.  I miss him so much.  I used to dream about him.  I haven't in a long time.  I remember this one specific dream that I was working at a grocery store and he came through my line.  I immediately stand there in shock that he is actually in front of me, with his sweet sweet smile.  I want to reach out and hug him but he doesn't know me.  I'm just a stranger to him.  I watch him walk out the door and wake up.  The dream I suppose to anyone else could be considered a nightmare since he didn't know me, but not to me.  It's an amazing dream because I actually get to see his face so vividly and it feels so real.  I miss that dream.  I haven't had it in a while.  You know how you just wish for one more day with a loved one? Just one more chance to say I love you.  One more chance to hug them.  One more chance to see them and hear their voice.  One more chance to breathe them in.  I wish for those things the most on this day every year.  It just brings back all those feelings of the day we lost him.  Tomorrow I will go on with my normal routine like everything is ok, but today I think about him more than ever and hurt because I miss him so much.  He would be 58 this year.  I try to picture what he would look like today.  Probably salt and pepper hair, a big 'ol belly of course, lots of wrinkles since he squinted all the time and his normal facial hair (salt and peppered of course).

I look forward to the day we are reunited at the gates of heaven.  He will welcome me in with open arms along with all my grandparents and dear family and friends I've lost in this life. Dad, I think I can speak for everyone that you ever met and knew that we still after a decade, miss you more than words could ever express.  I love you with all of my heart and know that you watch over this family every day.  I know that you are watching your grandchildren grow up and watching over them daily.  Thank you for being the best father anyone could ever ask for.  You were definitely the best.

[caption id="attachment_444" align="aligncenter" width="512" caption="Giving kisses to Papa John"][/caption]